Is This Love
by weedsushi
Summary: Larxene notices Axel is showing up more and more often into her everyday life, and that she has a certain attraction to him... But being a Nobody, she can't feel anything serious. Although, perhaps, after some while getting to know each other, both Nobodies will start to think differently about this "no hearts" thing, and the feeling will turn into something more...
1. Ice Cream

I woke up and heard the rain outside. I didn't open my eyes. No way. I don't want to go outside…

_I don't even want to get up,_ I think, and peek my eyes open. Yup. Outside the window, was the rain, falling down. Heavily.

I bet Demyx is outside playing in the puddles, the idiot. I push the covers off me, yawning and stretching. Now where's my suit? Oh, there, draped over the edge of the bed. I pull everything on.

It must only be seven-ish in the morning. I am so tired. Last night I got… home… late because of some ridiculous mission that required full body power and extra magic. They work me too hard here.

I walk down the hall, spotting Zexion in front of me. He, of course, looks crisp and alert, and … awake. I yawn again.

I head for the Buffet, which is always there every day. Breakfast and dinner free for the taking. Nobody gets lunch here.

The only person there is Axel. Weird. It seems I'm seeing him everywhere nowadays, wherever I go. Is he stalking me?

"Morning, Larx," he says, trying to be cheerful. I grunt at him as I pass, filling my plate with random things I'm not even seeing. I am just so tired…

I feel my plate getting held up by some unknown force. Then I see a gloved hand is holding it up. I follow the arm that the hand is attached to up to the face of Axel. "You're dropping your food," he says.

"Oh." is all I say. I hold onto it with two hands as I make my way over to a table.

After a couple seconds, Axel sits down across from me. I frown at him.

He raises and eyebrow at my plate. "Croissants? Since when do you eat those?"

I looked down at my half-full plate. I do have croissants there. Hmm. "I don't," I say.

"Ah," he says, looking up. I glare at him and flip the croissants away. Ugh.

"What a waste," Axel says, looking wistfully at the croissants on the floor. "Shut up," I tell him. I'm in too grumpy a mood to talk with him. Or anybody.

He, like everyone else, understands my grumpy moods, and doesn't say another word. I leave my plate on the table and leave for the Grey Room. Work; sigh.

When I'm at the stairs, I find Axel is following me. Pretty close. I glance back at him.

Then he's beside me. Gosh. "What?" I say, irritated.

He shrugs. "Just wondered if… nevermind."

"What?" I say. He walks away, faster than me on his long legs. "What?" I say again.

I just walk to the Grey Room for my mission today.

Axel is talking with Saix. I sigh and tap my foot.

"Ah, Larxene, you're here," Saix says. "Yeah?" I ask.

"You and Axel will be paired up for a mission today," Saix says. I gape. _What?_

"How is this coincidence?" I ask as we walk through the dark portal into Twilight Town. He looks back at me and smiles. Whoa. He never smiles at me.

"So what are we even doing?" I ask, looking around him at the card he's holding.

"Just finding a big mean old Heartless," he says. I groan.

"Great. Let's get started, then." I say, summoning my blades and walking forward. I hear his footsteps behind me.

Throughout running into other Heartless, hiding from people, and searching for the big Heartless, I found being with Axel pretty fun. Not because I always flirt with him, but it made my bad mood go away, too. Huh.

As Axel slashed and finished off the last Heartless in the bunch, I asked him, "What were you trying to say to me this morning?"

He turned around and frowned at me. "What?"

"This morning, you were about to say something, then changed your mind," I said. He kind of looked away. "Oh, that's nothing."

I put a hand on my hip. "Okay," he says.

He points up to the big clock tower. "You know that? Up there, every day after work, Roxas and I will go to eat ice cream." He tells me. "I was just wondering if today, you wanted to."

I blinked. Me, eat ice cream with him? And Roxas? I ask him that.

"Sure, why not?" he says, then walks past me to go on looking for that Heartless.

I follow him incredulously.

* * *

><p>I had agreed on his offer to go eat ice cream. So when we killed the freakin' huge thing, he led me to the ice cream shop.<p>

"Two sea salt ice creams," Axel said to the shop owner. "Sea salt?" I ask him as he hands me one.

"Sure," he says. "It's salty, but sweet."

It is higher than I thought up on the clock tower, and I sit down with enthusiasm. I like high places.

Axel has already started chowing down. I take a tentative bite. Salty, yuck. But vanilla-ish, too, and… sweet.

"Mm," I say. "It is good."

"See? I told ya." Axel says. I frown, but smile. I can't help it. "This view is great," I say.

"I know. I've been coming here since before Roxas came."

I snicker, and put a hand over my mouth, laughing. He rolls his eyes. "That's not how it sounds," he said, laughing too.

"Yes it is," I say, laughing more.

We both start laughing.

Afterwards, Axel, um… "takes me home." Really, after we ate and talked, he opened the dark portal for me. I felt like I was warming up to him after only one day. But I was just fooling myself.

"Thanks," I say, arching an eyebrow as we entered the Grey Room and walked down the hall. "For the ice cream thing and the view."

"Don't mention it." Axel said. "But… you know, you can come again, if you want. I mean…"

I'm surprised. "What?"

"I mean, you don't have to, if it's awkward, I mean, don't! Or… uh…"

I giggle, surprising myself again. I never giggle in happiness. "Sure, Axel." I say. Then I walk off, leaving him scratching his head.

* * *

><p>That night, I lay in my bed, thinking about today. My mission, my response, the "hangout" (as Axel called it) and the ice cream. Roxas never came… but that was somehow better. I… I don't know. Axel is annoying, nothing else.<p>

But, after today, I can't help but feel a little closer to him. He's nice. Really nice, when he wants to be. And especially to me… why?

I roll over under the sheets, and try to fall asleep.

But I can't. Axel is on my mind.


	2. What Is This Feeling?

The next morning, I see Axel staring out the huge window-wall. His back to me. I feel something inside me, but ignore it. He just took me for ice cream, that's all.

Maybe I feel excited (not in that way) because I never do anything "fun." I'm always grumpy, and always alone. Everybody hates me, isn't that right?

But not Axel.

When I walk up to Saix for my mission, I keep my eyes away from Axel's general direction. Then I open a Dark Portal and walk through.

Once on the other side, safely in Halloween Town, I sigh.

_What the hell is this feeling?_ I think, clutching my chest. I can't feel… I'm a Nobody. And what happened yesterday… that was nothing. Him and I have done many missions and crap like that together. So… why?

Well, because, usually, he's never nice to me. Maybe I'm in shock.

But as I kill Heartless, all I think about is him. The redhead pyro. And it pisses me off. I don't… I don't _want_ to think about him! I frickin hate him!

After my mission is done, I sneak into Twilight Town, near the clock tower. Up at the hangout, I see two dark clothed forms. Axel and Roxas. Eating ice cream. A sudden wistfulness stabs me where my heart should have been, but I brush it away. I can't feel… and why all this? So sudden?

I crept back to the Castle That Never Was, wanting to hide in my room.

* * *

><p>The morning after that, Axel came up to me I the hall after breakfast. I steeled myself, not letting any "emotions" get in the way of whatever he was going to do or say. He looked perfectly fine to me.<p>

"Hey, Larx," he said to me. "What," I ask him dully.

He scratches his head. He does that a lot. I wonder why? Maybe when he's nervous, or…

I pinch myself in the leg. No thinking about that.

"You didn't come to the clock tower yesterday?" he says more than asks. I shake my head. "Nah, I had a pretty tough mission," I say, which is a lie. I had plenty of extra time to go visit him and Roxas. He nods, though, which makes me feel bad. Which I usually do. If I could feel.

"Well, feel free to come on up anytime," he said, which had a double meaning to it; _anytime._ Not just after work. Anytime.

I shakily say "Yeah" and watch him walk off, following him a couple moments afterwards. I feel the desperate urge to go to the clock tower today, wanting to skip work. But only with Axel. He's the only one who I want to be with…

I gasp and put a hand to my mouth as I think it. What…? No. No I don't! No way. Axel's an annoying pyro, who I could care less about. But apparently that seems to have changed… since that mission.

_Why?_

I decide to write about it in my journal before work, not really wanting to face anyone yet. I take it out from its secret place under my pillow, and start writing on a fresh page;

_I keep thinking about Axel. Why? No clue. It's almost all I think about. Work is automatic; I just kill, or find, walk, or attack. I want to… I don't know what. Just be with him. But that's crazy; I'm a Nobody, and so is he. Even if I spent as much time as I wanted with him, that's all it would be between us. Time._

_I don't want to like him…_

I stop and realize it. I do like him, or want to. Badly.

I take a deep breath and continue;

_But I do. If I could…_

_For now, let's say I pretend to like Axel. And …Like a friend, yes. I want to be friends with Axel. Is that impossible?  
><em>

I finish writing and just teleport to the Grey Room, that is almost empty. Saix is waiting for me, looking at me, wondering why I was so late today.

I don't care; today, my mind is set – on going up to the clock tower this evening.

Hopefully alone.

* * *

><p>My mission was simple; collect Organization stickers. So I did, then I all but rushed to the clock tower. I didn't bother with ice cream; I don't like it that much.<p>

To my luck, no one's there yet, but I figure they will be soon. So I throw my legs over the edge and sit there, watching the sun set. It really is beautiful up here. No wonder they come here all the time.

After ten minutes of being alone, I hear footsteps, and whirl around.

Axel is surprised to see me here; he jumps a little and frowns, then smiles. He's glad. My nonexistent heart soars.

"You came," he simply says, wrapped ice cream in hand.

"Yeah," I say.

"No ice cream?" he nods to me. I shrug. "Nah."

"What made ya come up here today?" he asked. I shrug again. How do I say it?  
>"Just… bored, I guess. This place is more interesting than the Castle." I say, rolling my eyes. He nods, understanding just what I mean.<p>

"Is… is Roxas coming?" I ask tentatively. I am only shy and … not mad, when Axel is around.

He's half done his ice cream already. "Hopefully." My happy feeling is crushed a bit; I wanted to be alone.

When he's done, he throws his stick off the clock tower. The sun is setting now; I doubt Roxas is coming today.

I notice Axel looking at me, and glare automatically. "What?" I ask with my normal snappy attitude. He simply grins!

"You sure are quiet," he comments. I can't help but look away, angry. "So?" I say.

I see him shrug out of the corner of my eye. "Just not like you." He leans back, lying with his legs dangling off the edge of the tower.

I look back at him, anger disappearing. "How would you know…?" some bitterness creeps into my voice, but not much. I just can't… conjure it around him. Okay, I'm not _happy_, but I'm not _angry_. And he knows this.  
>"I never am around you," I add, turning away.<p>

He chuckles, not bothering to hide it, knowing I may slice his head off. "Yeah, I know."

It's quiet for a bit. The sky turns from red to black. Twilight. I laugh. It's twilight in Twilight Town.

"What's so funny?" he asks, and I shake my head. He gets back up from his odd recline. I think it's time to go.

He stands up then, and I know it is, so I get up too. He smirks at me in that usual way. I scan his face. "Are you getting attached to me, or something?" I ask him.

He only chuckles again. "I could say the same."

He walks off back to the Castle.


	3. Mission, and Meeting

I frown all the way back to my room; Axel is nowhere in sight. Why the hell is he acting like this? He doesn't like _me._ I know it. So why…?

The next few days are like that, and I only go to the clock tower once more. Axel is getting more buddy-buddy with me, and I try to avoid him, which is harder than you know. I just… need to be with him. I pray Saix will give us another mission together.

Then one day, a couple weeks later (_long_ weeks) he does. We're supposed to go to Beast's Castle and see what's up. Usually Xaldin does that kind of thing, but he is "needed elsewhere."

Axel was the one with the card, so I peeked over his arm to see exactly what was on schedule once we were safely outside in the Courtyard.

I brushed his arm, really close. But I don't move away. I get a weird zing being this close to him. He glances at me, I think feeling a bit awkward, and gives me the card. Our fingers brush.

I quickly scan it, and, with most if not all the cards I get, rip it in half and throw it away. Axel raises an eyebrow, and I smile. "Well, let's get this over with." I say.

He follows me, not talking, which is unusual; he always talks. Something I know about him from what little info he gives about himself. I wish I knew everything.

But, then again, nobody tells anyone _everything_.

We tried to keep a low profile, first teleporting to the ballroom, where no one was. Nobody in the halls, study, anywhere.

"Where could they all be?" I wonder. We are on a mission here, no time for chit-chat. He looks behind his shoulder.

"Maybe the Beast's Room. He usually sulks in there," Axel said. We headed there.

It was, I admit, creepy here. Dark, spooky, ripped and broken wallpaper and furniture. Poor Belle, I do feel sorry for her, living in this junk of a place. Clean it up, and hell, I'd move in like _that_.

We stop outside Beast's door. Voices are murmuring inside. I recognize who it is; Lumiere and the Beast himself.

"You are too harsh on her," Lumiere said in his French accent. "Maybe… invite her to dinner?"

"No," the Beast grumbled. "I could never do that. And she'd refuse anyway!" he sounded frustrated, pacing.

Axel and I walk away. "Looks like he sure is getting somewhere," I joke. Axel chuckles his dumb chuckle; but I don't find it dumb anymore. I like it.

"Why would Belle ever like that dumb Beast anyway?" I ask as we walk down the stairs of the West Hall.

"Because, he needs to break the spell," Axel explained. "With the rose."

I'd heard faintly of this rose/spell thing.

"He needs to fall in love before his twenty-first birthday, and if he does, he returns to human again."

Axel said this gravely, and I looked up at his face. He was looking at me. "Oh," I said.

"Apparently got cursed by a witch, I believe," Axel quickly said nonchalantly. "For his own bad manners; she was an old bag, and he wouldn't let her in… so she transformed into this pretty goddess or something, and then cursed him." He laughed. "Good riddance."

"How do you know all this?"

"Xaldin's always talking about it." He explains. "Must be obsessed with this place. They always send him here. Don't know why."

I try to remember how old Axel is… we've been together for so long, in the Organization, a couple of years, so… I have no idea. But I don't dare ask him. That is just weird.

We end up downstairs, near all the random rooms like the study and kitchen, etc. It's empty, and quiet. Low profile? Sure. Easy-peasy.

"Well, I think we're about done," Axel said, turning to me. Man, he's tall. I feel so tiny. "How about a quick sweep and then go back?"

I nod. "Alright, pyro. Lead the way." He only smirks again. I love that smirk.

Did I just say love? I _loved_ that smirk? How could I love it? I feel (if I could) terribly anxious, wanting to reach out to him and… I don't even know. I never know around Axel. So I stay behind him, silent.

We creep one of the empty rooms. Walk right in. _Sheesh, everything in this place is dark,_ I note. Axel heads over to the window. I stay near the door.

"Nothing here," he decides. He turns back to me. I am staring at the bed.

He sighs. "Let's go, then." He frowns at me. "Are you sick or something? You're lacking verve," he says to me.

I look back at him. "Um, yeah." I mutter. "Let's just get out of here… eat ice cream, or something."

My response was automatic, but I _did_ want to eat ice cream with him…so we went to the clock tower, finding Roxas there, looking lonely, and munching his sea salt ice cream.

He looked up at us when we walked up around the corner. He saw me. "Oh, hey…" he says uncertainly.

"She's fine." Axel tells his best friend, and flops down. I sit beside him. "She's been here before."

I stay quiet and listen to them talk, commenting once in a while. I always say bad things, too. Roxas seems to dislike me… let him. He's annoying, too.

I realize I'm wishing I was back in the dark, almost empty Castle with Axel again. Maybe I should have done something in that room… though I don't know what.

When we were all done, we simply went back "home." I walked back to my room, which was right next to Roxas', with no emotion. As was expected from a Nobody like me.

My room was only three rooms down from Axel's… so close. I thought about what he might be doing and clenched my hands. I decided to take a shower, or a bath; relax.

I took a quick shower, restless. I always felt better when I was alone, things always on my mind still. I was still only thinking of the redheaded Nobody. Always thinking of him. I sigh and walked to my bed, wrapped in a towel.

Just then a knock came at my door. "Who is it?" I ask, tightening the towel. "Don't come in!" I add. The knob didn't turn.

"Just me," Axel's voice came through the door. "Just need to tell you there's a Round Room meeting," he told me. I sigh and don't answer, just dry off and pull on my suit, hair dry as well.

I am luckily not the last one in; I hate being the last one. We're still waiting on Demyx, of course, and Xigbar. What the hell are they doing? I don't want this to take forever; I don't even want it to be happening.

When the two finally arrived, Xemnas started talking, with his usual greeting and blab. I was pretty bored, and snuck glances at my favorite redheaded pyro while I pretended to listen.

Then Superior moved on to a new subject, clearing his throat. I decided to listen, and if it wasn't interesting, go back to checking out Axel. But it was interesting.

"The Heartless have been coming in larger packs in some areas; now, I know all of you are fit and well-trained enough to kill them all on your own," some members glanced around, smirking, "but just to be quicker and more efficient, I am sending out pairs for these certain areas."

Some people groaned; some chuckled. Some just stayed quiet.

Then Saix spoke. "These pairs will be teamed up according to the certain skill level they have to defeat the certain Heartless," he said. "Most times, the pairs will be like partners; always together. The pairings may change, depending on the circumstance."

After a bit more, Xemnas dismissed us. I left in relief. All I wanted was sleep.

"He didn't tell us the pairs, though," I heard Demyx muttering as we all went our separate ways. "I hope I'm not with someone like Xaldin or Laxeaeus."

"I heard that, kid," Laxaeus growled from behind him. Demyx flinched and hurried away.

Axel caught up to me. "Yipes," he said. "I wonder who I'll be with?"

"Ditto," I muttered. I was seriously tired.

"He did say, though, we're paired up by skill, not preference," Axel said cheerfully. I did remember, and hoped I would be with Axel.

I could not wait until morning.


	4. That Day

When morning finally came, I was actually well-rested and ready to go. I only was reminded of the pairings when I walked into the Buffet and overheard "Xiggy" talking about it to Zexion and Xaldin.

"…probably with Roxas," he laughed. Zexion was expressionless, eating a salad. Typical Zexion.

I sat down at the table beside them. Xaldin grumbled, "Like that little twerp is any good." He picked at his cereal. Xaldin? Cereal? Okay…

I quickly ate my breakfast and hurried to find out who my partner was. I crossed my fingers secretly, for Axel.

I approached Saix. Demyx was on the couch, strumming his guitar. Like usual.

"Larxene," Saix greeted me dully. "Your partner is Axel. He's already out on the field, waiting for you."

Waiting for me? Hm. Oh well. "Fine," I said, and left for Hollow Bastion.

I just then realized that Axel was my partner. Hello! Axel! I smiled. An actual smile.

I felt happy. Fake happy, but the very feeling.

Axel was gazing at a huge pack of Heartless from the Bailey. I joined him, jabbing him in the back. I've always been touchy-feely with Axel. He turned, as if expecting me. "Holy shit," I said, looking at all the Heartless. "There's so many!"

"More reason for partners," he winked, and left at a run. I hurried after him. He was fast.

I was panting and leaning over when all the Heartless were finally killed. Axel looked tired, too.  
>"I'm actually… starting to hate…. This idea…" I panted. He laughed breathlessly.<p>

"How about… ice cream… Partner…?" he asked me. Partner… I liked the sound of that.  
>I straightened up. "Sure…"<p>

Roxas never made it, again. He was always so busy, Axel commented. I agreed. Poor kid. That's what you get for being the Keyblade Master.

Axel agreed with me on that.

One day, when Roxas wasn't available for chillin' (Axel was still my partner) I found myself so tired, I ended up leaning on Axel's shoulder. My cheek rested on it, and I was half-asleep. I woke up with a start, embarrassed. Me, embarrassed, I know. He was smiling at me. I fixed my hair and mumbled, "Let's go." The sun was almost down.

When Roxas was there, I was my normal self. When he wasn't, I was nicer, and more uplifted. Because of Axel…? I noticed I wasn't writing in my journal nearly as much as I normally did, and didn't talk to anybody else much. And I always needed to be with Axel, my partner.

I somehow think he felt the same… only in a different way. His own way. But I know he liked being with me. I felt it… not with my could-be heart, but when we were together.

Then, two months after this whole ordeal with him started, it happened. _That_ day, I wrote in my journal. Lots.

Roxas was working, or snoring on his bed from pure exhaustion (either way, we were alone) so we had the clock tower to ourselves. Mine and Axel's conversations were getting more from work, to things, to people, to just… normal things. We talked like we felt, and laughed like we were happy. Of course, how could that be? But it sure felt like it.

I flicked my popsicle stick off the side, laughing. I came here almost every day now with him. Roxas or not. Especially without Axel's best friend…

He had just finished saying something, and chuckled once. Then it was quiet, the two of us staring off into the sunset. I shifted my weight, we were pretty close together, and my hand fell on top of his. He glanced at me. "Sorry," I said, and was about to move it away, but he grasped it. And kept it.

I stared at him. "What do you think you're doing?" I asked, not meanly like I usually would if it was anyone else. I liked the feel of my hand in his. And he didn't let go. Like he knew I liked it.

We sat like that for a minute. Then I finally noticed him looking at me. Intensely.

I looked back, not sure what he wanted, or what I should do. Honestly, I wanted to embrace him and attack his face with my lips; but I'm not sure how well our relationship would go from there.

So I studied his face; how his eyes were so green, and have little cat-eyes on them. His lips, soft and slightly parted. His perfect, perfect face…

My face is suddenly way too close to his. His eyes keep flickering to my lips. Like he wants to… to kiss me. I think that's sweet… and I do too.

So I slowly, hesitantly, come a bit closer. He closes his eyes and exhales. His breath smells so good… like, oh I can't even explain!

His body has shifted towards me. He pushes his face towards mine, our cheeks and noses touching. My eyes close and I prepare for it… but of course I'm not.

He put his lips on mine, obviously knowing we both wanted this. For so long, I did. And now I could have it, and I was just waiting. Waiting for him to do something. So I pushed my face closer to his, and his lips parted against mine. I think we both felt a little spark of excitement by this. I parted my lips and suddenly his hands were on my shoulders, gently, our mouths pressed against each other, moving together. I held his arms. Muscles were there, I could always tell just by looking at him. I gripped his arms.

He squeezed my arms, not letting go. Of any part of me. We kept kissing, deeper and harder, until finally, he took his lips off mine. I wanted more. So bad.

I didn't realize that now we were in an embrace; my arms around his neck, his around my waist. He smiled at me breathlessly. "Okay?" was all he said. It made me laugh; a sound of pure joy. He smiled again and laid his forehead against mine. "I knew…" he started.

"What?" I asked him, my fingers playing with his spiky hair that just months ago, I thought was stupid. Now I loved it. Wanted it.

"I knew this was what you wanted." He finished. "What I wanted." He added, looking me in the eyes. This sent an electric (not from my doing) shock up my spine. I closed my eyes.

"Yes," I murmured. "For a long, long time. I wanted it. I wanted you."

He hugged me tighter. This was a very odd intimate moment for two Nobodies who can't feel; yet we thought we did, _knew_ we did. What else could it be? I wondered.

I wouldn't call it love, but something close.

We kissed again as the sun set, and again, always hugging. Then, when it was really dark, and I'm sure everyone in Twilight Town was in bed, Axel murmured to me, "I think we should go back."

I nodded. "I hope Saix doesn't kill us," I say, and he chuckles. I love that chuckle.

He helps me up, and opens a Dark Portal in front of us. He keeps an arm around me, but I pull away. He frowns, looking a bit hurt. "Just…" I say, "I don't know what they'd say if they saw us…" He smiled, understanding, and we walked through into the Grey Room. Saix was still there, all the lights off, waiting for us.

"What took you so long?" he said in his dull monotone. "It's very late."

Axel spoke. "We needed a bit of a rest," he said smoothly. He was actually very close with Saix. Not like a friend, but… it's hard to explain.

"Well, I hope you had a nice three-hour rest, Axel," Saix said to us. "I've noticed you two and Roxas have a tendency to stay out a bit later than usual, doing what I wonder?" I wished I could hold Axel's hand for comfort, but then Saix would know everything.

'We've got a hangout, and we just stay there for a bit," I say defensively. I never really liked Number Seven.

Saix turned, ready to leave. "Well, next time, make sure you don't take so long. I have better things to do than be occupied by such inconveniences such as staying up, waiting for two experienced members to get home." And with that, and a final glance, he walked off.

We waited until we knew he was gone for good. Axel sighed, and turned to me. "Grumpy old man." He said. "Come on, let's go to my room…" he took my hand. I felt that old shock go through me again. His room?

"Alright." I said smoothly and took his hand. _Don't show any nervousness, Larxene,_ I tell myself. We walked to his room, enjoying the dark and quiet.

When we were there, we sat on his bed. He unzipped his coat… and I stared. He noticed.

"Uh, sorry…" he said. "I just sleep with my coat off…so…" he said. "That's okay," I tell him. "I sleep in my underwear anyway." And for the first time, I saw Axel _blush_.

I got into usual nightwear, and Axel ended up wearing only his pants. "No need to be polite," I tell him as I snuggled closer. He was so warm… well, he is a Fire Wielder, I reminded myself. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"See," he murmured, "this is what I've been waiting for."

"I know," I say, stroking his chin and neck. "It was so weird, though… I didn't know what to do. Or what you'd do if I did." He chuckled against me. "What are you planning to do to me, woman?"

I smile in the darkness. "Just wait and see. But not tonight."

He kissed my forehead sweetly. So sweetly. I squeeze my eyes shut and press myself against him. "Axel…" I mumble.

I fell asleep with my head nestled under his chin, his arms around me, safe and warm.

* * *

><p>I woke up to what I am not used to. Someone was in bed with me. I yell and jump up, scaring the hell out of… oh, Axel. "Oh, hey," I say, clutching my chest. "You scared me!"<p>

He is wide-eyed. "You scared me!" he cried.

I laugh then. "Idiot." I hug him. So unlike me.

But he willingly hugs me back. I sit on his lap. "So, partner," I say. The word seems to have meaning now. "Ready for work today?"

"As usual, partner," he addresses me, and leaves me to get dressed and ready, leaving for breakfast.

Before he gets out the door, I pull him around by his hood. "You know I can't let you go without this," I tell him, and kiss him on the mouth. He is surprised, and puts a hand on my neck. I like that. But then I push him away. He smirks. "You'll have to work to get some of this," I say, motioning with my body. "Now get out of here," I say literally, closing the door in his face.

I've never "felt" better.


	5. Is This Love

Axel and I pretend we're just like normal, not like we've just found our newfound "love"…. Oh my gosh, I just called it love. But it is, isn't it. That's not a question.

Our job today was to kill Heartless, but we acted like we were frolicking through sunny fields! (Well, not really, of course; we were killing left and right.) But we had fun doing so.

After, we headed for the clock tower, making _sure_ we didn't stay late. After all, we had all night for doing… well, whatever we wanted. Supposedly in his or my bed.

Roxas was sitting there, just unwrapping his ice cream. He smiled at us. I smiled back, to his surprise. I was in a great mood!

"Larxene, happy?" Roxas asked incredulously. "How?"

I slapped him behind the head, and he laughed.

He seemed to notice us getting really close, but said nothing about it. Good. No one needed to know about this yet, if ever.

A couple days later, though, Axel and I shared an ice cream. Both of our hands on the stick. Roxas stared.

Axel explained calmly and casually. I wasn't too worried, either.

"You see, Roxas… Larxene and I here have been acting 'in love',"  
>he put emphasis on the words, "because even though we're Nobodies, and can't feel that emotion, or any at all, we still feel something in there," he touched where his heart should be. We'd finished off the ice cream.<p>

Roxas still looked confused and freaked out. Poor kid. "But… you said there can't be love in between friends," Roxas sputtered.

Axel cocked an eyebrow. "But we two aren't friends, are we?" I smiled at the teen.

Roxas didn't understand it all, but he will in time. And good old Roxy can keep a secret.

* * *

><p>I was assigned a mission pairing with Marluxia, ah, my all-time favorite friend. He liked me, I knew, and oh if he knew about Axel…<p>

But he didn't, which was good. And bad. He kept flirting and coming on to me.

Then he said it. "Hey, I've noticed you and Axel have been… getting pretty close lately," he said.

"well, we've been partners for so long, what did you think?" I snapped, my angry side returning. It was weird, being the old me again. I haven't been this way, snappy and cranky, since my thing with Axel. But I like that, too. Axel changed me.

"Well…" Marluxia muttered. "I just noticed, and…"

"And what? You're jealous?" I mocked him.

He blushed though. "No."

"Of course you aren't," I told him, and slashed a Dusk into nothing. "That's the last of them." I say.

I was all but greatly relieved to get back to Axel that night.

We'd been sleeping in the same bed for a week and a half now, but hadn't done "it" yet. We didn't know what would happen if we did… but no one knew anyway, so why not? It's expected from me, anyway. Considering how I am? Yeah.

But not when I'm with Axel.

The crappy thing was I was stuck with Marluxia as partners now, had been for five days. I wanted to get back to partnering with Axel. Dumb old Saix, got to make things hard. At least I saw him at the hangout and at night. Axel's new partner was Demyx, which wasn't _so_ bad…

Right now, I was walking back to the Dark Portal we'd left open to go back (or to the clock tower) when Marluxia friggin' pounced on me. He took my shoulders and gently pushed me back on the wall. I glared at him. "Hey!" I said.

Marluxia looked down at me. I knew what he wanted to do, and was gonna do. I put a hand on his chest. "Don't. Even. Think about it." I snarled.

He gazed down at me. "But why? Why not me?"

Sudden fear jolted in my stomach; did he know?

"Because," I simply told him, and tried to move. He wouldn't let me.

He leaned closer in, his mouth just below my ear. "Why…?"

I stood still, frozen. If he laid his lips on me…

"Larxene," he chided me, and I didn't answer. I won't kiss anyone but my redheaded flame handler. I glared into his eyes.

He sighed, loosening his grip. I shook out of it and continued on to the portal. He followed.

"I don't see why you don't like me…" Marluxia said, and I walked through the portal into Twilight Town. I bought ice cream and met up with Axel and Roxas.

I told them about Marluxia, how he'd tried to force me to make out with him. Or worse. Who knows with him. Axel was furious, and Roxas was shivering by the end. "Creepy adult stuff," he said. "I'll stay out of it."

"Oh, come on, Rox," I said playfully. I was using his nickname now. "You'll be just like us eventually!"

He grimaced at that, saying "Maybe," and throwing his stick off the edge. Axel laughed.

When we got back to the Castle That Never Was, Axel told me he had to go off somewhere, and I said okay with a smile and went to my room. There, leaning on the wall, was my pink-haired partner. I sighed and continued on for my room. He caught my arm lightly. I stopped and looked him in the eye. "What do you want now?"

"I see you." he says. "I see the way you act with him. Like you two are all happy together." I fearfully know who he is talking about; this isn't good.

"I don't know who and what you're talking about," I mutter and get out of his light hold. He tightens it.

"Why?" he growls. "Why him?"

"Who?" I cry at his face. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Hey, guys." Demyx says, coming up ahead of us. "Don't get in a fight or anything. Calm er down."

Marluxia lets go of my arm. I walk into my room, slamming the door. _Don't ever touch me again,_ I think furiously, like Angry Larxene. I want to be Happy Larxene. I lean against the closed door and wait for night to come, so I can be with Axel.

* * *

><p>That night, I snuck up to his room, seeing him lying on his bed, not under the covers yet. I go up to him happily. He pulls me to him as soon as I get close, drawing me onto his lap. He just holds me like that, arms around me. All I hear is his breathing; not mine.<p>

"Axel…?" I ask, looking up at his face. But he just hugs me more. "What's wrong?" I ask.

I pull away so I can read his face. He looks… sad. "Axel, what's the matter?" I ask him.

"You… with him?" he said weakly. Oh, no. Marluxia! Damn it!

"No, no, no, Axel, you don't understand," I say quickly. "He keeps forcing himself on me! I…"

He looks up at me. "I know. But it's that he does it. And I can picture you with him. I hate to."

My eyes widen. He's thinking of that…? Of me and flower-boy, him pinning me to the wall and…. "Axel," I whisper. I hug him. He hugs me back. "I'll make him stop."

"No; I'll make him stop." Axel mutters. I look up at his face. "Axel." I say.

"I'll make him aware that you are with me." He says. He looks at my face. "You are mine."

Him saying that makes me feel all warm inside, and I say, "And you're mine."

We kiss. That leads to another kiss, and another, and soon I realize we're lying on the bed.

We're both breathing hard. Maybe…

"Axel," I whisper. "Axel?"

"Yes, Larxene," he replies.

I fiddle with his zipper of his coat. "I…"

That was all that needed to be said. We had our clothes off, under the sheets. We revealed all of ourselves to each other. It wasn't exactly the nicest thing ever, though; for me, not at all. Afterwards, though, he said this was the first time, anyway. I nodded, and reminded both of us that we could get better in time. The first time it is really actually nice, then we'll declare that the first time. The first nice time.

And we fell asleep together again, this time feeling closer than ever.


	6. Marluxia, Ruin

Days continued as such, Axel being my partner again. I switched one time with Luxord, a couple more times with Marluxia. I really wished Marly boy would just back off. He knew about me and Axel; and was obviously jealous. And Axel was furious that I had to deal with this, yet never approached my admirer.

I asked him why one time up on the clock tower. He shrugged. "I don't want to make this a mess," he answered. I leaned on him. "I don't think it will turn into a big deal…"

When Axel and I got close like this, Roxas stayed out of it. He just sat, playing with his Popsicle stick (and since that un-intended joke Axel made, I can't help but think of that as another suggestive one).

The next day I had to be paired up with you-know-who. This time, he all but attacked me.

He pinned me against another wall in an alley (we were in Agrabah) and pressed his mouth against mine. I struggled to no use. He kissed my lips, cheeks, and jaw. Moving down my neck. I pushed against him with both my hands. He completely ignored me, and I slapped him when his lips found my throat. "Get off me!"

It never occurred to me that if he didn't stop, I should just slash him to pieces. So first, I shocked him, and he stopped, looking me in the eyes. I glared back. He didn't let go, so I summoned my knives as a warning. He finally backed off.

"Don't _ever touch me again_," I hissed, my voice full of hate.

"Why do you like that idiot flame thrower?" he asked me. I started walking away, Marluxia close behind.

"Keep your nose in your own business," I snapped.

"But he's no good for you… all he wanted was to lure you into his room…"

I whirled around. "That's not it!" I shout in his face. "_You_ don't understand! That's all _you_ want!"

He looked at me evenly. "Is that what you think? I'm just trying to save you from succumbing to his…" I slapped him again. He grabbed my hand and threw it away. "See? You're so attached to him you can't…" I slapped him again. He kept grabbing my hands as I did. Then I unleashed my claws and scratched him across the cheek. He gasped.

We were both frozen. I backed off a step.

"See what you get when you mess with me?" I say quietly as I keep backing away. "Don't come near me."

Marluxia looked at me as I walked away. "Don't fall into his trap."

"What trap?" I cry. "He just loves me!" It was out before I could stop.

Marluxia laughs. "Love? Poor man. He thinks he can love. He's a Nobody, and so are you. _Nobodies can't love_."

"That's just what you believe, because you're so damn unloving yourself!" I shout. Then I open a dark portal, going anywhere, not sure where. I end up at the Beast's Castle. I never expected to come here.

Then I knew why; I'd come here because I had memories of Axel here. When we went exploring, joking and talking. The day I felt more attached to him than ever.

I sense a Dark Portal behind me opening, and don't turn, knowing who it is. He'd followed me.

I run up the stairs, up the West Hall, and into the Secret Passage. Hopefully Marluxia doesn't know about this place; Axel did, though. I hope he's here. Maybe I can find him.

I run past the storage room, slowing to a walk as I go down the long hall of the Passage. There's no way Marluxia could know of this being here. I sigh with relief as I walk at my own relaxed pace.

I stop dead when two arms wrap themselves around me, and hold me tightly, not letting me get away. "You," I whisper.

He leans his head down, pressing his cheek against my cheek. "You don't honestly think you could get away? Silly Larxene," he mutters.

I clench my fists as he nibbles my cheek, trying to turn me toward him. I don't budge, but he's strong. I shock him, and he holds on. When I summon my claws, and swipe at him, I see the scratch on his face is still there, four bright red marks.

He caught me against the wall. It seems I'm always in this position with him. Why? Why do I let him do this? He licked my neck, and I turned away, squeezing my eyes shut. "Stop it," I warn him.

He doesn't answer, only kissing up my neck, and nipping my jaw. I kick his shin. He only comes closer. No way to escape now.

When Marluxia presses his body against me, and kisses the side of my neck, with his tongue, it makes me gasp. I grunt and try to get away, squirming. I open my eyes.

There, up on the wall in the hall of the passage in front of me, not too far away, is Axel. An Axel with his weapons out, barely clutching them. His eyes… they make the inside of me burn in pain, regret, anger at the man on me, and sorrow. And he's just staring, at us.

Getting the wrong impression.

I shock Marluxia hard enough to make him let go. He staggers back when I shove him away, yelling "Axel!"

I take two steps toward him, before his expression changes from ultimate pain and sadness to anger and betrayal. "Axel…" I whisper, as those two strong arms are around my waist again.

"Seems she has a different preference, pyro," Marluxia said, and I could tell he was grinning. Rage heated up inside me, and I struggled. "No, Axel! It's not…!" Marluxia tightened his hold. "Hush," he tells me. "Axel knows exactly how you feel."

The redhead's eyes turn to me, begging for me to say it wasn't true. I try to, my eyes pleading as well for him to understand me, but Marluxia keeps blathering on. "Not good enough for her, I guess," the man holding me said. I kicked him and elbowed him to no use. Shocked him, unleashed my knives.

No use.

Axel looked down, and another man came up behind him. It was Xigbar, today. He looked surprised, seeing the two of us like this. Then he looked at Axel.

Axel looked back up, and his eyes made what should have been my heart melt in grief. Then he turned away, with one last look, deep, in my eyes. Xigbar stayed for a moment. "I've not a clue what's going on," he said, "but I'll stay out of it." Then he followed his partner.

And I ran away.

Marluxia did not follow me where I went. I went to the only place I knew I could go; I'd even been told before… _You can come anytime,_ he'd said. But it pained me to even think of him.

I sat, curled up, on the clock tower. I hoped no one came today. I just wanted to be alone, and going to the Castle, back home, would not be a good idea. I hated that place, didn't want to go there ever again.

I'd stay here forever, then.

Axel will never forgive me, or Marluxia. I know how he gets when he's mad… he could burn the whole Beast Castle down. If only I could tell him…

Axel and I have had our first fight, even if it wasn't really a fight. It probably wouldn't be our last, considering the way we are. That's just how things go. It can't always be happy…

But I don't know if he'll forgive me. He thinks I ditched him to go be with that stupid selfish flower-boy. Yeah, right, Axel… I'd never do that to you…

Knowing things have gone from perfect to horrible, I feel a wet tear fall down my cheek.

I sit there, wondering. _Why am I crying…?_ _Nobody's don't cry. We can't feel sadness. But I do…_ _Otherwise, what could this be?_

I sit there and cry, and the sun sets. Roxas is probably with Axel, saying… maybe nothing about this. He probably doesn't care. Or does he? I hope so desperately that he does…

Will Axel forgive me?


	7. Set Fire To The Rain

I sit there until the sun goes down, until the moon is high in the sky. Everyone in Twilight Town must be sound asleep; almost all the lights are off.

I end up going from a sitting position to lying on my side. I've been crying emotionless tears all this time. Thinking of Axel, thinking of what I would say. Stupid love. Pretend love, fake love. But still the very same. I wish I could be in bed with Axel, the both of us forgiving each other. I am returning to being the Old Larxene again. And I don't want to be. I want to be Happy Larxene, with Axel. And I want a heart. I want a heart… so I can love him with all of it.

I'd give my heart to him if I had one.

I don't know when I fell asleep.

* * *

><p>I woke up, uncomfortable. The surface underneath me is hard. I immediately recognize where I am. On the clock tower. Morning light shines down on me. I've never seen this place this early in the morning.<p>

Kids are heading to school, adults going to work or shopping. People talking and laughing. Laughing… I wonder when I'll laugh again.

I get up stiffly. If Axel hadn't come looking for me, then that meant that was it. He didn't care for me. He thought I cared about…

I clenched my fists and ground my teeth together, thinking about the hateful flower boy. I hate him. I hate him so much… he ruined me. Me and Axel.

I don't know where to go. Not the Castle, obviously. And I won't stay here.

So I teleport to the World That Never Was and walk around aimlessly.

I wonder what will happen now… if I will ever see Axel again… if I'll ever go back to the Organization. Well, I have to eventually; otherwise they'll destroy me, but what's the point to keep living if everyone hates me for sure now? No one could care less about me.

I put my hand on the wall of a skyscraper for support. I bow my head. _Don't cry…_ I tell myself. _Don't cry, Larxene, because your tears are meaningless._

But I was sure…. _Was_…. That I could feel. But that was before. Now, all I feel is… nothing. Not without Axel.

It starts to rain. I stand there like that, staring at the ground, for I don't know how long. When I look up, I see him there.

Axel. My redheaded…. Wait. He's not mine anymore.

He's looking at me. In my eyes. I search his face, but find nothing. I stare back at him, not sure what my face must look like.

We stare at each other, not saying anything. He is about ten feet away from me.

I sigh softly. "Think what you want," I said.

When I move my gaze somewhere else, I still see him close the distance between us. He moved so quick, he was there in an instant. In the next, I was in his arms.

He practically buried me in his embrace. "Larxene," he whispered. "I knew you couldn't do that. You're capable, but I know you would never leave me."

I am frozen with shock. Is he… forgiving me?

He strokes my hair. "But…" I close my eyes.

"I do want you," I whisper so softly I don't know if he could hear me.

"What?" he says, almost as quiet as me. He turns me to face him.

"Axel, I want you, with all my nonexistent heart," I say, and this time I go to him. He pulls me into his arms again… and we kiss.

A kiss so deep, I'm sure the rain caught on fire. Maybe he lit it on fire. I don't care, all I know is it was a heated kiss, full of passion, and I never wanted it to stop. And it seemed like it never did. He had his one hand on the back of my head, and my hands rested on his shoulders…

When we broke the kiss, my eyes were still closed. I leaned my head on his chest. "I'm sorry," I breathed. He squeezed me.

"No, I am." He said. I looked up into his eyes. "For what? I was the one…"

He shook his head. "You never did anything but try to make it right." He said. "I took it all the wrong way… I misunderstood. And you tried to tell me." His eyes looked pained again. He opened his mouth and started to say something else, but I placed a finger over his lips. "Don't." I say. "Just kiss me."

And he did… passionately enough again that I think the rain evaporated.

That night, we lay in each other's arms… this time, our intimacy had been good… and so it was the first time we'd done it. We held each other, not wanting to close our eyes, just wanting to see each other's faces in the dark, moonlight slanting in the window.

We didn't say it, but we knew it; is this love? It felt like it, it might be, but we could never know. All we knew for sure was that we needed each other, forever, and we wouldn't get separated. Neither of us would allow it.

I fell asleep stroking his face.


End file.
